My Turkey Goes Goble Goble Goble
by Merciless Ruby
Summary: It's thanksgiving and Orihime is making a turkey! But uh oh, it looks the the turkey has a crush on Momo; and Shiro-chan isn't happy at all! HitsuHina! PLEASE REVIEW!


I do not own Bleach! PLEASE REVIEW!

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"Come on Hitsugaya-kun, we are going to be late!"

"I told you that I do not want to go!"

"Why not?"

"Because I said so Momo. Now let me finish my work."

"But it is Thanksgiving Shirou-chan! Orihime invited us to go to her house to eat!"

The taichou sighed. He was busy doing his paperwork and his lazy fuku-taichou was not here to help. And to make it more frustrating, Momo would not shut up about going to the world of the living and eating turkey. She never even heard of the word turkey but once she heard it from Rukia, which she was going with Renji, she eagerly wanted to go and taste the turkey.

Soul Society doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving. Nor, they even heard of the word _turkey. _Yachiru thought it was some type of candy while Kenpachi thought that it was a new enemy that was going to attack Seireitei, but then get its ass kicked him by the eleventh division captain. Shunsui thought it was a new, hot female shinigami while Mayuri thought of it as a new experiment.

Well, Momo knew that they were all wrong. She wants to see and taste this _turkey _of Orihime's, but she can not if her workaholic boyfriend does not come with her. He will not let her go by herself because he does not want her to get hurt, since Kurosaki, Zaraki, and Abarai were going to be in the same place. Momo sighed as she sat next to him.

"Please Shirou-chan! Just this once! I really want to go!"

Toushirou sighed and looked at her. Right now, she had the cutest puppy face ever. And he knew that he could not say no to that. He groaned and looked away, hating been defeated by her.

"Fine, we are going. But once you are finished eating, we are coming back immediately."

"Oh thank you Shirou-chan!" she replied as she hugged him tightly and rocked him back and forth.

Toushirou just smirked and blushed.

The two arrived in the world of the living in less than 3 minutes. They're clothing were different, so they can look as if they were humans as-well. Toushirou wore a black shirt with blue slacks. Meanwhile, Momo wore a red blouse with a white skirt that reached her thighs. She was originally going to wear a skirt that reached her upper thighs, but her boyfriend did not because Abarai, Kurasaki, and Zaraki were going to be there, and he knew that they can be perverted most of the times.

Before Toushirou knocked on the door, they heard some weird noise, and the loud yells of Renji, Ichigo, and Kenpachi. Toushirou groaned and knocked on the door. He knew that this was going to start bad, and end up horrible. Seconds later, the door opened to reveal a giggling Orihime. She wore a tightly, white dress that reached her thighs. But she had a white apron on.

"Hi you guys! I'm glad that you came!"

"So am I!" Momo told her enthusiastically.

Orihime got out of the way to let the young couple in. The house was large and pristine. They walked to wards the living room and saw, Ichigo, Renji, Kira, Matsumoto, Kenpachi, Yahciru, and Hisagi.

"Hey Taichou, Momo!" Matsumoto waved with a bottle of Sake in her other hand.

Toushirou sighed as he followed Momo and sat next to her.

"Hey Orihime, where's the turkey?" Ichigo asked.

His girlfriend came from the kitchen with Rukia.

"It's right here!"

They all looked down and saw a two feet tall turkey being hung by the neck with a rope by Orihime. Rukia had a knife in her hand, ready to kill it. Ichigo looked at them strangely.

"It's not dead yet? I thought you bought it so that it would com dead."

Orihime chuckled nervously.

"Well, Rukia and I got it from my grandfather's farm this morning, so we don't have to spend much money buying one and the other type of food."

Momo looked at it, noticing that it was still alive. She walked to wards it and knelt besides it, feeling bad for it.

"This is a turkey? You are going to kill it so we can eat it?"

"Aha..." Rukia replied.

Momo sighed and stood up. Orihime placed the turkey on the table and Rukia got ready to kill it, holding the sharp knife like if it was her zanpakuto. Quickly, she was going to stab it but suddenly...

"OH NO!"

"ORIHIME CATCH IT!"

"WHERE IS IT!"

The group that were in the living room heard the loud noises and began to wonder what happened. They heard plates falling, Orihime fall, Rukia growl, the turkey going GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE...

The small animal entered the living room and looked around. They all stared at it. Suddenly...

"CATCH THAT TURKEY!"

Rukia came out of nowhere with her face all scratched up and hair messed up. The turkey heard her loud screaming from behind and quickly began to run around the large living room area. Ichigo got up and thought of jumping on it, but when he did, the damn animal flew a few inches and landed on Ichigo's back. Then Renji thought of jumping it but when he did, it flew a few inches away and the shinigami landed hard on Ichigo's back.

"What the hell are you doing Renji!?"

"Trying to catch that stupid turkey! What do you think you dumb-shit!?"

"You are doing a horrible job at it you pussy!"

Meanwhile, Kenpachi smirked, thinking that catching this turkey would make him stronger since Ichigo and Renji could not catch it. He decided to kill it with his own hands instead of his zanpakuto. So he did not change to his shinigami uniform and instead began to chase after it. The poor turkey saw this huge ass mountain with spiky hair and bells ontop of it run after him with a nasty grin.

"GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE!"

It tried to fly but it was only to get a few inches above the floor. Hisagi closed the windows so it would not escape. The turkey, which thought it was going to escape, was standing a centimeter away from the shinigami's feet. It gulped as Hisagi picked it up and smirked.

"It seems like this game is over, you stupid tur- OH MY FUCKING FACE!"

The tight grip on the bird was soon loose and the turkey continued to run around. Kira began to chase after it but soon stopped as he saw the turkey's angry face. He blinked and then began to run away from the pissed off animal. The turkey tried to bite the blond headed, shinigami's skinny ass. Kira began to scream and then threw himself on top of Matsumoto's arms, bridal-style.

The female shinigami looked at him strangely. The turkey looked at her, and then at the biggest thing it has ever seen in its life, her boobs. Matsumtoto began to hate the expression the turkey began to have. Saliva began to drip from its beak as it stared at her. Suddenly, it began to run to wards her and Matsumtoto screamed. Before it was a foot away from her mountains, Renji appeared in front of her with his shinigami uniform on already and his zanpakuto in his hands.

"MOVE IT ABARAI! I'M GOING TO KILL THIS THING!"

"YOU GO KENNY! KILL THAT BIRDY!"

The turkey turned around and began to run away from its worst nightmare. It turned its head around and saw Kenpachi right on its feathery tail. The turkey made its way to the hallway tried to fly up the stairs. Kenpachi was going to run up the stairs but quickly tripped and fell because he was too big. The turkey felt relieved but then saw Ichigo running to wards it. Its eyes widened and began ti run away. It saw a window that lead to the backyard. Ichigo cursed and went out the door. Hisagi and Renji followed him. Kenpachi groaned and ran out the door as well, ready to kill that damn turkey.

"Shirou-chan, shouldn't you help?"

"I do not want to, Bed-Wetter Momo."

"Stop calling me that! You know that I do not wet the bed anymore. You know that since we slept together some-"

Momo quickly stopped talking when Toushirou nudged her arm.

"I told you no to say that out loud." he growled lowly.

Momo giggled innocently.

"Oops, sorry. I forgot."

Meanwhile, the turkey continued to run around Orihime's yard. Hisagi, Ichigo, Renji, and Kenpachi were all after it. The poor bird wondered what did it ever do to them to deserve this! It saw another window opened and immediately jumped through it.

Momo was in the living room with Matsumoto and Kira as she felt something land on her lap. She looked down, and the thing looked up. Momo began to feel afraid as she felt its claws pinch her thighs hard. She bit her bottom lip nervously, never suggesting that this animal would look so dangerously ugly closely. Suddenly,

"SHIROU-CHAN!"

Toushirou heard her scream from the backyard, since he was seeing why Ichigo and the others have not caught the damn animal yet. He quickly turned around and ran inside the room.

"Momo, what's wrong?"

He looked at her and saw the bird her lap.

"SHIROU-CHAN! GET IT OFF ME! IT'S HURTING ME!"

Toushirou's hot eyes narrowed and glared at the animal. The turkey turned its head and saw a pissed off Toushirou glaring at it. Toushirou was soon in his shinigami uniform and the turkey gulped. More of these men in black? Suddenly, it felt being slapped on its skinny head by the girl it was standing on.

"GET OFF ME!"

The turkey got angrier and began to scratch her face, like it did with Rukia before, with its sharp nails. Momo began to scream as the bird continued to do that. But when it turned his head, it saw a very angry Toushirou running to wards it with his zanpakuto in his hand. The turkey got away from his girlfriend and ran away. Momo fell to the floor with her hands flat on her face. Toushirou knelt besides her and held her shoulder.

"Momo, are you alright?"

She looked up at him and slightly smiled at him.

"A little."

Toushirou saw blood on her face and his temper grew. He placed Momo next to Matsumoto, which was still carrying the scares Kira, and then began to run after the turkey. That damn turkey is going to be dead! The turkey ran back out the back yard and Toushirou followed it. The turkey regretted with messing with the shinigami's girlfriend.

As it continued to run, Ichigo, Renji, Hisagi, and Kenpachi were soon in front of it. They all grinned. It gulped and turned around when suddenly...

"Aw, that's no fair! I wanted to kill it. I was beginning to have fun!"

"That's no excuse. I wanted to kill it because it scratched my face!"

"That's not an excuse either Hisagi. I wanted to kill it because Rukia was not able to kill it."

"Renji you ass. That's the lamest excuse ever. I wanted to kill it because the turkey should of been dead so Orihime could've cooked it quickly. Anyway, yo Toushirou, why did you kill the turkey now if you did not want to kill it before?"

"...It hurt Momo..."

The turkey was finally killed, thanks to Toushirou of course. Orihime was beginning to cook the dead animal with Rukia and Matsumoto. Yachiru and the men were in the living room and Toushirou and Momo were inside the bathroom. Toushirou was cleaning the blood off her face. Stupid turkey...

"If you listened to me when I told you that I did not want to come, then this would have never happened to you."

Momo hissed as she felt him rub the white sponge with alcohol on her cuts.

"Not so hard Shirou-chan! It does not matter now. At least the turkey is dead."

"Yeah, but you got hurt. You know how I feel when you get hurt."

"Oh stop being so over protected Shirou-chan!"

"I have to, Bed-Wetter Momo. You are my girlfriend..."

She blushed but with a smile on her face. Toushirou started to wipe the blood away from her lap since the turkey's nails cut her skin when it was on top of her. Momo smiled mischievously as she thought of something. This was her first time planning this, so she does not know what his reaction is going to be like. Momo tried not to giggle as she grabbed the edges of her skirt. Oh boy... Slowly, she began to lift her skirt up and Toushirou noticed this.

"Momo! Stop it!"

She began to giggle at how red his face was. Sure he did see her naked before, but he hated it because he would lose control and start...something that he does not want to start yet, especially in a bathroom!

"Aw, you look so cute Shirou-chan! You turned very red!"

He groaned and stood up.

"I'm finished. Now let's go and stop giggling, Bed-Wetter Momo."

She could not help but hug him from behind and kissed his lips.

Everyone stared at the so called food.

"Is that how the turkey is supposed to be?" Yachiru asked.

"Orihime, why is the turkey black?"

Orihime gave him an innocent face, the innocent that he likes a lot.

"Well, you see. Rukia and I forgot about it when it was cooking and hours later, the turkey went on fire!"

"And what were you two doing that made you forget about the turkey?" Renji asked.

"Our nails..."

Renji and Ichigo sighed. Girls! (BOYS!) So, since the turkey was...burned inside the oven...the group were choosing on what to eat. Orihime called her grandfather and asked him to bring another turkey. And Ichigo forgot to tell her that if he does bring a turkey, it has to be already dead.

The doorbell rang and the orange haired girl skipped to the door and opened it. They heard the noise of a cage, and feathers... Orihime closed the door and walked back to the living room.

"Look guys! Another turkey!"

They all looked at it, as it looked at them... Ichigo saw that Orihime was about to let the animal out of its cage.

"Orihime, wait-"

Too late...

The door of the cage opened and the turkey began to run around.

"Oh no, not again..."

"YES! IT'S TIME TO HAVE SOME FUN!"

"YOU GO KENNY!"

The turkey ran around and saw a beautiful girl several feet away from it. It began to run to wards her when suddenly a very angry boy appeared in front of it with a sword. The turkey gulped and ran away from the angry Toushirou.

_That thing better not even touch Momo!_

A lesson to all turkeys: Never let your eyes on a brown haired girl that have a boyfriend with white hair.

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**_Please review!  
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